The Home Altar

One key function of prayer, meditation, and reflection time is a form of self-care that I like to call self-nurture. It’s the act of both attuning and attending to presenting needs and feelings the way that a caregiver does for another person. This can be especially important when puzzling over why we reacted or responded to the circumstances of our day in a way that feels “over-sized” for the actual experiences we encountered. What was happening outside of us probably began to dance with what is inside of us, our unspoken and sometimes even unacknowledged needs. Sometimes we can’t process the meaning of an experience, or begin to grasp where Divine Wisdom was unfolding in the space, because we have an unmet need, an unrealized sensation, or an incomplete physical or emotional response happening in response to what we have heard, seen, done, or had done to us.

Self-nurture takes practice and can feel unnecessarily self-indulgent, especially if we grew up in an environment where coping strategies like denying or minimizing our needs were prevalent. This can include realistic, yet unhelpful comparisons between the struggle or suffering of people in our lives. “I could have it so much worse” is a form of bypassing, which isn’t necessarily wrong, but it can be a form of deep alienation from what is actually happening inside of us.

Sometimes, we need to start small, with acts of attunement. Since transitory experiences, including self-awareness can quickly slip from consciousness and into our unconscious mind, there is value in having a tool at hand to begin this practice. I’ve pictured here a pocket sized notebook and pen, but truthfully, voice memos, evocative photographs, an email to ourselves, or any other tool that captures the moment of self-awareness can be helpful. The key is being able to re-encounter in brief form that “when I was doing A, I experienced emotions B & C, and it was accompanied by the bodily sensations of D, E, F.” For example, “giant Jenga set fell over with a loud sound, I was frightened, body tensed, heart raced, scanning for exits.”

As we explore this practice, it can be helpful to capture safe and reliable attunement tools for our toolbox, i.e. “this song helps me feel angry safely, this movie always makes me fall over laughing, this poem is great when I need to cry, etc.” These tools that help us move in the direction of a self-expression can be helpful when our attunement is a fuzzy approximation, or when we need to move towards attending, but aren’t sure how to help ourselves feel more richly or fully.

When attuning, via a self check, or processing with a trusting listener, becomes comfortable and natural, and we have a robust catalogue of both experiences we want to process and those that bring reliable outcomes, we can begin to think about attending.

Attending can be as simple as discharging stuck energy (going for a run when remembering something that makes us want to flee), actually feeling our feelings until the feeling of the tide going out and settling washes over us, or providing gentle and affirming touch to the part of our body that feels constricted, numb, tight, or buzzing. Sometimes our prayer response and practice changes, based on the spiritual medicine we need in that moment. In deep fear and anxiety, we may need to engage deep, slow breath and settle our bodies into the cradling arms of our Divine Parent. In deep sadness we may need to move our bodies and dance and weep all at once. This is why knowing what is going on is critical to trying to meet our need.

Our ability to attend to ourselves in merciful and nurturing ways depends on some amount of attuning to what is really going on. Is this pain emotional, physical, spiritual, or all of the above? Am I lonely, or hungry, or bored? Am I longing to laugh or cry, but need a permission giving nudge? What tools, resources, and relationships do we have to explore these questions?

Sometimes, we have a beloved caregiver in our past, and we can readily summon up the energy of this wise ancestor, imagining what they would do to care for us. Other times, we may struggle to call someone like this to mind. Here, let us rejoice that we have been made with marvelous imaginations. Perhaps we can borrow the energy of a beloved figure from sacred scripture or a well-loved story. There’s nothing wrong with saying to ourselves in this process, “today, I will care for me and invite myself to adventures the way that Frog does for Toad.”

Other times, we may struggle with naming any human relationship that has provided this deep care, and need to ask the Holy One if they will fill this role for us. We invite the Spirit to inspire us to attend to us, they way that the one who gives life and breath to the world might do. Here is faith, the very idea that in the vast and sacred expanse of this moment, all of the love and compassion of the entire cosmos are present to us. In the end, it really will be okay.

It can be so tempting to focus on self-discipline as the entire path to self-care. It is true that moving towards a vision of a new life requires concrete steps. This however, can become a distraction from knowing and loving ourselves precisely as we are now, with no further growth or change baked in. Take some time this week to practice attuning to yourself and your environment. What is actually happening, and how does that make your body and your soul feel?

Practice

In the weeks ahead, why not use one of the tools mentioned to begin your attunement toolbox. Think about and make note of the stimuli (art, movies, books, music, etc.) that regularly give you deeper access to your emotions (fear, anger, sadness, happiness, hurt, shock).

Take 3-4 minutes each day to check in with your body, noting the sensations, warm or cool areas, tight or loose areas, place where energy feels trapped. Scan slowly from head to toe and back. Offer yourself gentle and affirming touch where you notice tenderness or tightness.

Any time you feel that a sensation or emotion has arisen, peaked, and subsided, take time in prayer to give thanks for the amazing gift that is you and your body! Ask curious questions about what this information is trying to communicate.

If in your attuning, you come across an injury, a feeling of profound discomfort, or an unexpected thing that you were previously unaware of, give yourself gentle permission to seek help from a caring professional who is trained to care for that part of you.

Be gentle with yourself, you are worth it.

Peace and Everything Good,

The Rev. JM Longworth, OEF Spiritual Direction and Trauma Care

https://www.sdicompanions.org/sdi-profile/GreenMtFriarOEF/ To book an appointment: https://calendly.com/greenmtfriaroef