Baggage Goons
Sometimes clients ask about the phenomenon. Other times I try to give a fair warning when it seems like their practice is helping to return them to an anchored spiritual state with some consistency. Either way, we have to watch out for the baggage goons, traumatic memories and other personal baggage that can arise out of an endorphin or dopamine state. This can be shocking, to feel as though our practice has helped us to slow down, modulate our anxiety and fear, and give us a sense of spaciousness and peace, suddenly betrays us as an unwanted time traveler catches up with us.
I love to use imagery, humor, and playfulness to help de-stigmatize and even befriend these parts of ourselves who have been dutifully carrying our locked trunks, suitcases of shame, doom-boxes, and steamer trunks of trauma. They chase after us day by day, always holding tight to their container, never falling so far behind that we can escape from them, but also, just far enough behind us and out of sight to remain hidden to our conscious minds and our internal observer. In my practice, I like to imagine them as playfully scary but inviting characters like the Wild Things from Maurice Sendak’s children’s book Where the Wild Things Are, or the lovable monster Sweetums from the Muppet Show.
However we want to use our imagination to welcome these parts of ourselves who have allowed us to survive what Harry Pickens calls “the overwhelming” that was both “inescapable” and “unwitnessed”, we can attune to their presence, even when it might disrupt our calm and our feelings of spiritual progress.
Thanks to the power of neuroplasticity, we can use our imaginations and our conscious thoughts to rehearse and prepare ourselves for these experiences, and even if the contents of the box are too much for the moment, we can experience curiosity and wonder at their bearers. After all, these lovable monsters that chase us, are us! An important part of us who holds information and memories about how we became who we are thus far.
If increasing touches of presence, peacefulness, calm, or even playful joy are being interrupted by the baggage of our lives, chances are, we have slowed down enough for the baggage goons to catch up with us. Their question is often something like “I’ve been saving this for you, would you like to sort through it?”
There’s a really good chance that if we don’t have the level of support, safety, and resources that we need, our instinctive reply will be “absolutely not!” Thankfully, there are so many healing modalities that can provide us pathways to gently explore the contents that can reduce the instance of further harm.
As tempting as it might be to plow through the contents, it’s probably best to engage with the one or two things that have the most coherence where we can connect body memory with emotional memory and some non-judgmental observations about the experience. The baggage goons are trying to protect us, and their goal isn’t to destroy us, because indeed they are us. We can lovingly say, “that’s enough for now” and return to embodied practices that calm our minds, bodies, and spirits. A great big conscious yawn, with a stretch, and gentle affirming touch can be a great place to start. Savoring the sensory memory of a grounding moment (i.e. when was the last time you felt…) can be a resource.
It can be easy to feel broken when meaningful interior work brings to light a surprising, “yes, but!” from a character who seems to be chasing us with the things we want to avoid. Indeed, sometimes we are a bit shard like, a piece of broken glass and we have cultivated numerous systems for handling ourselves and coping so that neither we, nor others get cut, at least most of the time.
In welcoming the baggage goons, we can acknowledge the limits of our own efforts to heal. Often our conscious intention and efforts needs to be paired with letting go, allowing the process of our practice and the emerging wisdom of the Spirit to tumble us like broken glass in the sea. Even a shard can become a thing of beauty with help and care from others.
Practice
Maybe you’re just beginning your journey and feeling any peace, joy, or happiness feels far off.
Perhaps you’ve found a rhythm and a love in your practice and are seeing the changes in yourself.
Maybe a moment of compassionate savoring was interrupted by a storybook monster carrying a steamer trunk.
I want you to know that I believe you, and I’m glad you’ve made it this far.
As much as you can while being kind to your body…
- Take a big stretch
- Yawn while you do it
- Return from that stretch by gently touching your body, maybe rub your head, caress your arms, give yourself a gently hug
- Let your attention be drawn to your breath
- Try this a couple more times, and then either observe or journal just a few words about your state of being and feeling
- If you spot a baggage creature, give them a wave and let them know they are loved too.
Be gentle with yourself, you are worth it.
Peace and Everything Good,
The Rev. JM Longworth, OEF Spiritual Direction and Trauma Care
https://www.sdicompanions.org/sdi-profile/GreenMtFriarOEF/ To book an appointment: https://calendly.com/greenmtfriaroef